Manner Monday®: Why do we wear black for funerals?

As seen on:

I recently attended a funeral for the father of a dear friend of mine. We were all visiting, when she said her 8 year old son had a question for me… he asked ‘why are we supposed to wear black for funerals?’ Other than as a sign of respect, I didn’t have the complete ‘why’ to answer his question – and I’m a big fan of knowing the ‘why’ behind social rules and customs. So I reached out to another friend, Stephen Zahn, who is the General Manager for Hahn-Cook/Street & Draper Funeral Directors at Rose Hill Burial Park. Stephen gladly agreed to write a blog post to answer the question in a bit more detail for us.   Thanks Stephen!

Why do we wear black to funerals?

“We mourn in black.” (Shakespeare)

The custom of wearing black funeral attire, or mourning clothes, can be traced back to the Roman Empire. Ancient Greeks and Romans wore black for periods of mourning after the death of a family member, especially for the funeral and procession accompanying the body to the burial site. Ancient Mourners clothes might be worn for up to a year after the death.

Throughout Western History public signs of mourning relied on symbolism, such as black clothing, to indicate a relationship to the deceased. Black mourning clothes were considered a mark of respect, and their absence could be interpreted as disrespect or nonchalance.

IMG_9584During the Middle Ages and Renaissance, distinctive mourning was worn for the general as well as personal loss. Formal mourning and mourning attire culminated during the reign of Queen Victoria. After the death of her husband, Prince Albert, Victoria wore only black until her own death 42 years later. It was not unusual for the British Court to declare that all citizens should wear full mourning for a specified period after the death of a monarch.

By the 19th Century, mourning behavior in Europe had developed into a complex set of rules, particularly among the upper class. Women bore the greatest burden of these customs. They involved wearing heavy, concealing, black clothing, and the use of heavy veils of black crepe. The entire ensemble was known as widow’s weeds (from the Old English “weed” meaning “garment”.)

For the United States, mourning generally has followed English forms. However, faith in a particular religion plays a major role in whether black or white is worn at a funeral. For example, for the almost 4% of Americans who practice Hinduism or Buddhism, white is the traditional color for funeral attire. White symbolizes purity.

Mourning attire has become less customary since the mid twentieth century. It is still customary, though not as universal, to indicate mourning through somber, semi-formal dress, particularly at the funeral and among the family and close friends of the deceased.

Do you have a ‘manner’ or question you would like to see covered in a post?  Feel free to send me your thoughts, I would love to hear from you. My goal is to help my students to feel more comfortable and confident in the social and professional skills; do you know someone who would enjoy this post?  If so, please share it and encourage them to sign up to receive Manner Monday?  I would appreciate it!

And if you’re new to Manner Monday, I’d love for you to take a minute to learn more about why I started it. You can click here to read my very first post that tells all about it.

Back to School time for Adults too;  Adults, are YOU ready for a great Continuing Education opportunity? The Executive Success Series begins in September.  Research shows that 85 percent of success in the business world hinges on your soft skills, and only 15 percent on your technical skills. Yet many people do not take the time to invest in the most critical part of their professional training, the crucial social skills that enhance your ability to communicate, negotiate, and lead which helps you build relationships and close deals. Are you ready to invest in your 85 percent? Click here to register now, space is limited!  Registration closes Monday, August 31.

Youth Programs – Start SOON, don’t miss out! Registration is under way for our 5-12th grade programs that start soon.  Register today! For more information click on the links below:

5-8th Grade Programs
9-12th Grade Programs General Information


Thanks for reading!
Carey Sue

In other news….

Email Newsletter Have you signed up to receive Manner Monday directly to your inbox every week?  Click on the button below that says ‘Keep me on the list!’ and choose your settings:

  • Manner Monday will go out every Monday morning with a tip of the week, a helpful hint, or a fun ‘mannerly’ story.
  • Weekly Updates go out every week (or as I have information to share… so I really should call it something else because you won’t see it ‘weekly’).

Click the button below to subscribe and access Email Newsletter settings: Keep me on the list Business Etiquette Training and other Workshops Would you like to schedule a workshop or presentation? I have a variety of workshops that can be customized to fit your needs and would love to work with your organization, Click Here to access the Business Section of the website.  Or please call or email for more information, 405-721-1467 or Here are just a few of the workshop topics:

  • Etiquette and the Generations – understanding ‘those guys’
  • Creating a Great Customer Service Experience
  • Business Etiquette and Professionalism – Navigating Lunch and Networking Events
  • Dude your Rude! Interoffice civility awareness and team building
  • First and Lasting Impressions
  • Professional Dress
  • Trade Show Booth Training

Word of Mouth is the best compliment you can give.  Do you know of some who may be interested in our programs, please share our information with them.  Here is the best link to share with them, it covers everything in a nutshell:


Copyright 2022